Was my dad just a bit too harsh?

Was my dad just a bit too harsh?

Postby leyman90 » March 17th, 2014, 2:49 am

So I'm a freshman at high school, and a guy if that helps. I'm in a program that's based on science math and technology skills. I had been doing very good in school for the first month, even though high school was a huge adjustment. This past week, in math, there were two assignments where I got totally disorganized and forgot to turn them in. I realized my mistakes and how I can fix them three days ago. My dad found out about them (worst nightmare) and got really mad. He started saying how I should start doing all these chores like lawn mowing and stuff to start preparing myself for what I was gonna be doing later. At this point I was kind of getting a bit bored because I had already fixed the mistakes. I didn't try to make a point of this though because he never believes me. This escalated to me having to do push-ups until I figured out what it was I didn't fix the second time. I kept telling him I didn't know, because it was the truth. He kept telling me that I had to continue until I knew, calling me lazy and saying I needed it. I kept desperately saying I didn't know, trying not to show that I was crying. I take all my dad's words deep down and to the heart, because he's the most important person to me. After about 40, he realized how desperate I was for him to understand me. He still seemed like he wasn't convinced yet though. I don't understand why he never gives me recognition for the good things I do. I keep trying to tell him about this assignment I did and how my group won in a project and stuff like that but all he says is good job at the most. Whenever I mess up the slightest, he gets so mad. I don't get it. Someone please give me something I could do or how I could talk to him or something.
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Was my dad just a bit too harsh?

Postby mustafa47 » March 17th, 2014, 2:52 am

I've been in your situation. I know how tough it is to be expected to get straight A's in school. You sound like a smart guy so i'm sure you know he has your best interests at heart.

Here is what you need to do. Initiate a conversation when there is no problem. Dont start it when you are upset or he is upset. It needs to be totally unrelated to current events.

Start the conversation by saying "Dad, do you have a few mins to talk to me and give me some advice?" He will then enter the conversation in a receptive mood.

Thank him for helping you adapt to the challenges of high school. Tell him what things you found different and how you adapted to them. Tell him you feel pretty good about things now but you are being very careful not to drop your guard and will let him know if something comes up that you dont know how to deal with.

Next tell him you are trying to be responsible and not let him down. Tell him you know he has high expectations for you and ask him how you are doing so far.

Now tell him you are feeling very pressured by him and ask him (nicely) what you can do to earn some of his trust so that he will let up on the pressure. Listen to what he says very carefully and if he gives you specific things write them down!.

Lastly, thank him for his help and tell him you are going to do your best to earn his trust and you are hoping that he will be able to trust you more in the very near future.

If you do it correctly, he will see your maturity. He will hear your pain. And he will understand that he needs to give you more responsibility if you can handle it.

Good luck to you.....and dont expect him to change drastically....but hopefully he will back off a bit!
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Was my dad just a bit too harsh?

Postby isidoro » March 17th, 2014, 2:55 am

dont get him to understand you get revenge fill a pillow case full of soap one night and go in his room and just start beatin the hell out of him
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Was my dad just a bit too harsh?

Postby yerachmiel66 » March 17th, 2014, 2:57 am

I am a dad of 5 kids. I have them from a senior down to a 3 year old. All of them live with me. High school is a huge adjustment. It gets easier. Your dad was being hard on you. We expect a lot out of our kids, but it'll get better. He really does love you and wants the best for you, that's just how he shows it. Try to always be open and honest with him, don't hide anything, and never be scared of his reactions. He'd never do anything to hurt you. Good luck, and keep up the good work!
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Was my dad just a bit too harsh?

Postby coe » March 17th, 2014, 3:06 am

I know you probably don't like it but just remember that the reason he does this and gets mad when you mess up even a little is because he thinks you can do better then you are, he thinks you should be doing really good, so just remember he thinks a lot of you and that's why he does it, he may have been a bit to harsh but just sit down with him and explain, You can do better and you will try your hardest but if your going to succed then you need his encouragement and him to start listening to you better
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Was my dad just a bit too harsh?

Postby lachlan » March 17th, 2014, 3:13 am

First of all I feel really really sorry for you to have to go through all of this. This is abuse by your Dad whether you realise this or not. Sounds like you would benefit from talking to someone neutral about all of this - do you have a school councellor? Someone you can trust? All of the above is your Dads issues that he needs to deal with and once again I am sorry for the hurt he is causing you. Hang on in there.
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