Should we divorce or seek counseling?

Should we divorce or seek counseling?

Postby macdubhgall93 » October 16th, 2012, 7:31 am

My husband and I have been married six months. We've been together for 6 years but our relationship has had lots of ups and downs. When things are great, they are great. But when they are bad they often spiral very far down. He seems to harbor feelings, never completely tell me what he thinks then blow up on me for believing him when he says he is fine. But how can I know if you don't tell me? In the past, instead of talking to me, he cheated. Or he'd talk about me to his family. And tell both us and them lies about me. We worked through a lot of it and things have gotten better. He is Great with my daughter. I have always made more money than him but he lost a job and had to start over so he is making substantially less now. It seems like all our problems are centered around his insecurities over me making more, him being afraid I'm going to leave him for someone else and his insecurities over me not being dependent on him. I feel like when we are together I cannot have friends because he will pouting i want to Dom something without him and accuse me of cheating. He had done really well for a long time since we got married then all of a sudden yesterday he blew up on me. When Howe broke up a few months before we got married I moved home with my mom because he wasn't helping much financially and u got behindon bills. So I moved home, caught up, enrolled in school, and we wound up getting back together. So he and I took he basement apartment after getting married. Well, yesterday he screamed at me the only one happy to be here is me, he hates living with my family, he hates that I make more than him, he wants me to stay home with the kids and he work, he wants to be responsible for the bills. Well, I feel like how can you be responsible for the bills when you can't even pay a forty dollar cell bill every month. What has worked was him being responsible for home and I do the other thins. I asked him several times if he was ok with this he says yes now all of a sudden you want to ell the truth?the confrontation began because he went behind my back looking at apartments because he wants us to move since my dad asked him to mow the lawn( I know how old are we). When I told him we could not afford it, The way he talked to me was so disrespectful and uncalled for that I am now considering calling it quits. He seems to have no respect for me and I am starting to feel like he only married me because he didn't want me to be with anyone else. I'm really confused. We have a daughter together who is crazy about her dad. But to be honest with you I cannot deal with the instability. He obviously has some deep seated issues and my question to you is would you try counseling or move on ?
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Should we divorce or seek counseling?

Postby coyle » October 16th, 2012, 7:32 am

Unfortunately, you're problem is far from unique; many people find themselves considering divorce as an option. Before you do anything, I think you should take a look at an article I found online that talks about marriage and divorce. There are related articles in the top left of the page: http://www.watchtower.org/e/201002/article_01.htm

I also suggest that you two read the book The Secret of Family Happiness published by Jehovah's Witnesses. There is no charge for it, but many, including non-Witnesses, have commented on how it has saved their marriage.
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Should we divorce or seek counseling?

Postby kamron » October 16th, 2012, 7:39 am

Obviously, there are issues on both sides nd forcing someone to go into counseling doesn't help the relationship at all.
People with low self-esteem and or self-worth tend to off the deep end, this probably comes from the way a parent reacted to stressors while they were a child. I would recommend therapy both couples and individual if you want this to work.
Communication or the lack of it sounds like the problem, remember if you were mind readers there wouldn't be a reason to talk about your problems.
An exercise, talk say what's on your mind without any reservation and then let him do the same. This needs to be done in an atomsphere where there are no hurt feelings, just truth and honesty (something that lacks in this relationship).
Good Luck!
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